QUOTATIONS ON HUMANISM

I have tried to avoid re-using quotations given in various essays and stories elsewhere on this web site. It's worth keeping the following quotation in mind though before going on to the list, compiled in alphabetical order by author. "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." Ralph Waldo Emerson. Journals 1849.

When they first came

They had the bible, we had the land.

Now we have the bible and they have our land.

African saying.

God is not dead but alive and working on a less ambitious project. Anonymous.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that he's an underachiever. Woody Allen.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen.

God is silent, now if only we can get man to shut up. Woody Allen.

A belief is not true because it is useful. H. F. Amiel Journal.

The sea of Faith

Was once too, at the full, and round earth's shore

Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furl'd.

But now I only hear

It's melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,

Retreating, to the breath

Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear

And naked shingles of the world.

Matthew Arnold Dover Beach (1867)

If I were Her what would really piss me off the worst is that they cannot get my gender right for Christsakes. Roseanne Arnold.

No morality can be founded on authority, even if the authority were divine. A. J. Ayer Essay On Humanism.

The notion that God was everywhere put paid to any possible peace of mind by the time I was six. Not only was He everywhere, and watching but so was my Guardian Angel. I was quite an imaginitive child, so going to the lavatory was torture. It still is. I still cannot do a big job if my wife is in the house, or if the light is on. I can't even evacuate if the telly is on, though the wireless doesn't cause any commotion in that area. Itmay be that having God and the Guardian Angel present at all times is what makes Catholics fast shaggers. One tortured soul I know who suffers from amazingly premature ejaculation - I mean so premature that he hasn't got any children after eleven years of marriage - was told by the priest that it was probably a blessing in disguise. What a piece of advise to give to a poor sod who comes off at the sound of his wife's car in the drive. Tom Baker (TV's Doctor Who actor) in Who On Earth Is Tom Baker? Harper Collins 1998

If God really existed, it would be necessary to abolish him. Mikhail Bakunin

You see dear, it is not true that woman was made from man's rib, she was really made from his funny bone. J.M Barrie What Every Woman Knows

FAITH- Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge of things without parallel. Ambrose Bierce - The Devil's Dictionary.

SCRIPTURES: The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based. Ambrose Bierce - The Devil's Dictionary

Man is the measure of all things simply because he is in that position and has no choice. Harold J. Blackham 'Humanism' .

An atheist is a man with no invisible means of support John Buchan - Lord Tweedsmuir.

Superstition is the religion of the feeble minded. Edmund Burke Reflections On The Revolution In France 1790.

The gods ought to have made all men good, if they were truly concerned about the welfare of the human race, or at least they ought to have taken care of the good. Cicero The Nature Of The Gods 1^st Century BCE.

'There is no God', the wicked saith,

'And truly it's a blessing,

For what he might have done with us

It's better only guessing.'

` Arthur Hugh Clough Dipsychus (1865).

If there is a God, atheism must strike him as less of an insult than religion. Edmond & Jules De Concourt - Journal 24^th January 1868.

Gabriel - How about cleanin' up de whole mess of 'em and startin' all over ag'n wid some new kind of animal?

GOD - And admit I'm licked?

Marc Connelly Green Pastures.

Thomas Wassyngborn is a heretic: he says that the sacrament of the altar is mere bread: he appears 12 September, denies the charge, and is to appear Monday next. Court Proceedings. London 1482.

Mr. Baker the printer. For false printing of the Bible in diverse places of it, in the Edition of 1631, vizt. in the 20 of Exodus, ‘Thou shalt commit adultery’ .... And the Bishop of London shewed that this would undoe the trade, and was a most dishonourable thing ..... Court Proceedings. London 1632.

Against Christopher Dobson and Oswald Atkinson ...... that they have plaied at the foote ball within this Cathedrall Churche of Yorke. To which they answeringe confessed that the foote ball was broughte into the Churche by Dobson and therupon Oswald Atkinson did take the ball from him in the Churche and there was but one stroke striken at the same in the Churche. Wherefore the Commissioners did order that Oswald Atkinson shalte set in the stocks at the Churche side upon Sunday nexte at nyne of the clocke before nowne and there to sit in the stocke by the space of one hole houre and the houre end be tayken for the and laid over the stocke and have six yerts with a byrchen rod upon his buttocke and that Chris Dobson shall lykewise sex yerts upon his buttocke .... Court Proceedings York 1565.

I am an atheist. I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are absolutely sure of. Clarence Darrow. (1857-1938)

I don't believe in God because I don't believe in Mother Goose. Clarence Darrow. (1857-1938)

Faith is the great cop-out, the excuse to avoid the need to think and to evaluate evidence. Faith is belief in spite of, or even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence. Richard Dawkins. Viruses Of The Mind. Voltaire Lecture. 1992

One must not always think so much about what one should do, but rather what one should be. Our works do not ennoble us: but we must ennoble our works. Meister Eckhart. Work And Being.

A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectively on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs: no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. Albert Einstein New York Times Magazine Religion & Science 9^th November 1930.

The civilised man has a moral obligation to be sceptical, to demand the credentials of all statements that claim to be facts. Bergen Evans The Natural History Of Nonsense.

If primitive religion could be explained away as an intellectual aberration, as a mirage induced by emotional stress, or by its social function, it was implied that the higher religions could be discredited and disposed of in the same way. E.E. Evans-Pritchard Theories Of Primitive Religion (1965)

Don't be an agnostic. Be something. - Robert Frost.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee

And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me. Robert Frost.

Belief is when someone else does the thinking. Buckminster Fuller. Playboy magazine 1972.

Had the Bible been in clear straightforward language, had the ambiguities and contradictions been edited out, and had the language been constantly modernised to accord with contemporary taste it would almost certainly have been, or become; a work of lesser influence. John Kenneth Galbraith Economics, Peace And Laughter.

Darwinian Man, though well behaved,

At best is only a monkey shaved.

W.S. Gilbert Princess Ida. (1884)

As a man is so's his God

Explains why God's so often absurd.

Giles & Melville Harcourt. Short Prayers For A Long Day.

Systems which end doubt are devises for drugging thought. Albert Guërard

Are you really an atheist, Mr. Holyoake?

Really I am.

You deny that there is a God?

No, I deny that there is sufficient reason to believe that there is one.

But if the atheist has so much on his side, why does he not make it known>

It is generous in you to taunt him with lack of evidence, when you are so prepared to punish its production?

The reason that your principles are so horrible, as Robert hall said, ‘Atheism is a bloody and ferocious system.’

And, my dear sir, has it never occurred to you that the language of the Christian is shocking to atheistical feeling?"

Atheists have the right to their opinions; I allow, but not to publish them.

I shall think you speak reasonably when you permit the same rule to be applied to the Christian.

But you really cannot be an atheist?

And you say this who have been a party to imprisoning me here for being one! If you believe yourself, go and demand my liberation. George Holyoake History Of The Last Trial By Jury For Atheism. (an account of a conversation with the prison chaplain.)

I asserted - and I repeat - that a man has no reason to be ashamed of having an ape for his grandfather. T.H. Huxley.

I took thought and invented what I thought to be the appropriate title of 'agnostic'. It came into my head as suggestively antithetic to the 'Gnostic' of the Church history who professed to know so much about the very things of which I was ignorant. Thomas Henry Huxley Nineteenth Century Magazine 'Agnosticism'. February 1889.

To become a popular religion, it is only necessary for a superstition to enslave a philosophy. William Ralph Inge. Outspoken Essays 1922

The inspiration of The Bible depends on the ignorance of the gentleman who reads it. Robert G. Ingersoll 1833-1899.

When you go to heaven you have to say sorry to the holy gost for not believing in him. I don't believe in gosts so I'm not goin there. Kim (aged seven) Quoted verbatim in Nanette Newman's Lots Of Love.

There seems to be a terrible misunderstanding on the part of a great many people to the effect that when you cease to believe you may cease to behave. Louis Kronenberger - The Spirit Of The Age Company Manners (1954)

The theory that you should always treat the religious convictions of other people with respect finds no support in the Gospels. Arnold Lunn.

"And with anything that I've ever done, with songs or performances, has always been to make people think. So I feel that that's part of rock and roll that's in danger of extinction. I think it's pointless for me to get up here and talk about the defects and the faults of mankind today because when you get right down to it, we're all just a bunch of monkeys, and whenever we try and be anything more than that is when we hurt each other. Marilyn Manson, lead singer of the rock group of the same name. Quoted in his biography (Marilyn Manson) by Kurt B. Reighley.

I count religion but a childish toy and hold that there is no sin but ignorance. Christopher Marlowe - The Jew Of Malta.

We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the same sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. H. L. Menchen

Men become civilised, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their willingness to doubt. H.L. Mencken

A large part of altruism, even when it is perfectly honest, is grounded upon the fact that it is uncomfortable to have unhappy people about one. H.L. Menkhen Prejudices.

In some awful, strange, paradoxical way, atheists tend to take religion more seriously than the practitioners. Jonathon Miller.

Man is quite insane. He would not know how to create a maggot, and he creates gods by the dozen. Michael de Montaigne Essays Volume Two (1588)

Religion gives birth to fundamentalism as surely as the seed gives birth to the tree. Taslima Nasrin.

1938

First they came for the Jews

And I did not speak out -

Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the communists

And I did not speak out -

Because I was not a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists

And I did not speak out -

Because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me -

And there was no one left

To speak out for me.

Pastor Nienoller.

Body am I entirely, and nothing else, and soul is only a word for something about the body. Nietzsche Thus Spake Zarathustra. (1883)

God is dead; but considering the state the species Man is in, there will perhaps be caves, for ages yet, in which his shadow will still be shown. Friedrich Nietzsche Joyous Wisdom Volume Three. 1910.

A philosopher is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat that isn't there. A theologian is the man who finds it. Dr. Laurence Peter

Jesus Christ Superstar!

Come down to earth on a Yamaha.

Done a skid,

Killed a kid,

And mashed his balls

On a dustbin lid.

Playground Rhyme sung to a tune by Andrew Lloyd Webber.

When 25 percent of the population believe that the president should
be impeached and 51 percent believe in UFO's, you may or may not
need a new president, but you definitely need a new population.
--Harry Reasoner

I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for his reputation if he didn't. Jules Renard.

All great truths begin as blasphemies. George Bernard Shaw Annajanska.

In view of the widespread silliness of the majority of mankind a widespread belief is more likely to be foolish than sensible. Bertrand Russell Marriage And Morals.

Man is a credulous animal and must believe something. In the absence of good grounds for belief, he will be satisfied with bad ones.." Bertrand Russell Unpopular Essays.

Mankind has become so much one family that we cannot insure our own prosperity except by insuring that of everyone else. Bertrand Russell The Science To Save Us From Science. (1950)

The existence of a world without a God seems to me less absurd than the presence of a God, existing in all his perfections, creating an imperfect man in order to make him run the risk of hell. Armand Salacrou Theatre.

The fact that a believer is happier than a sceptic is no more to the point than the fact that a drunken man is happier than a drunken one. George Bernard Shaw.

Without their fictions, the truths of religion would for the multitude be neither intelligible nor even apprehensible, and the prophets would prophesy, and the teachers teach in vain. George Bernard Shaw. Back To Methusalah.

"I'm not a bad guy. I work hard & I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?" -Homer Simpson (cartoon character in The Simpsons TV series).

How can great wisdom care so little about the torments of innocent creatures? This question, which began to agonise me when I was six or seven years old, still haunts me today. I still cannot accept the ruthlessness of nature, God, the Absolute …. How can a merciful God allow all this to happen and keep silent? Isaac B. Singer Love And Exile (1985)

There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy. Robert Louis Stevenson - Virginibus Puerisque. (1881)

On May 20, 1579, Matthew Hamount was burned for saying that ‘the New Testament and Gospel Of Christ is but mere foolishness, a mere fable; that Christ is not God or the Saviour of the world, but a mere man, a shameful man, and an abominable idol; that he did not rise again from death or ascend unto Heaven; that the Holy Ghost is not God: and that baptism is not necessary, nor the sacrament of the body and blood of Christ. John Stow - Annals.

Florence Nightingale's conception of God was certainly not orthodox. She felt towards Him as she might towards a glorified sanitary engineer, and in some of her speculations she seems hardly to distinguish between the Deity and the Drains. Lytton Strachey Eminent Victorians

If you are desirous of obtaining a great name, or becoming the founder of a sect or establishment, be completely mad; but be sure that your madness corresponds with the turn and temper of the age. Have in your madness reason enough to guide your extravagances; do not forget to be excessively opinionated and obstinate. Voltaire.

Nothing can be more contrary to religion and the clergy than reason and common sense. Voltaire 1760.

If cattle or horses, or lions, had hands, or were able to draw with their feet, and produce the works which men do, horses would draw the form of gods like horses, and cattle like cattle, and they would make the gods' bodies the same shape as their own. Xenophanes. Quoted by Diogenes Laertius Lives Of The Eminent Philosophers.

War is the greatest crime man perpetrates against man. Zarathustra.

Sources - Varied, some quotes come from the primary source, but also ;

Collins Dictionary Of Religious Quotations Edited by Geoffrey Parrinder 1990

A Dictionary Of Religious Quotations Edited by Margaret Pepper 1989 Andre Deutch

The GM Humanist (Various issues) Members often send excellent quotations in to us.

Humanism Scotland Newsletter Autumn 1998,

The International Thesaurus Of Quotations. Penguin Books 1970