SEX TIPS

EROTIC SEX TIPS.

1/. SEX FOR DUMMIES – At home, pretend to be a shop window display mannequin. Have your partner dress you and pose you from naked while you try to stand totally still. Once on display, have him or her take everything off you again. Bet you can’t do it without laughing. Now you do the same for your partner, naturally.

2/. BOBBING FOR BALLS – Instead of bobbing for apples at Halloween, bob for his balls. Let him get in the bath, with the water as deep as the bath will allow, and you take deep breaths and plunge you’re your head in over the side to take a lick or gentle nip of his balls. You get the picture.

3/. ALL THIS AND R2D TOO. Play Strip Star Wars – With the film(s) on, you take an item of clothing off and move closer to your partner every time someone on screen mentions ‘The Force’. You won’t make it to the end of the film, so if you haven’t watched it before I should tell you now that Luke blows up The Death Star.

4/. THEY WON’T INCLUDE IT IN THE GUINNESS BOOK but just how quick are you at quickies? Find out. Have a race to see how fast you and your partner can get from dressed to ejaculation. Time it with a stopwatch. Take things slow and gentle or as fast as you like in other sexual activity, but about once a month, try to break your own record.

5/. PORN PLEASURES – If the porn film you bought or rented is really lousy, you can still have great fun by jeering at it with your friends by adding your own DVD audio commentary and dubbing the dialogue. IE, ‘we used four heaped teaspoons full of mayo for this shot’ and ‘Are you sure this will cure my hiccoughs, Doctor’ type lines can make a boring porn film into an absolute classic.

6/. SPLASH OUT IN STYLE At a poolside party, on a warm Summer evening, be sure that you are the first girl to ‘accidentally’ fall into the water in your finest party dress, and shoes. Tell everyone how surprisingly gorgeous it feels (and it will) as you slowly sensually swim / float around, rather than getting out again right away. Apologise profusely for ‘wetting your knickers’ in public. Almost certainly some or all of the other girls will join you in the pool and once the girls are wet the men won’t be far behind, and everyone will remember that you were the first with great affection.

7/. CANNES - Run your own erotic version of the Cannes Film Festival at home. Invite as many or as few friends as you like. Encourage people to dress as Movie stars, directors, and starlets. Supply a decent casting couch. Pose and preen before the Paparazzi, (some of your pals bearing cameras) and show the best appropriate genre films that you can get your hands on.